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I’ve got five kids, I’m a queer feminist, and I just might be the only life coach in the world who doesn’t believe in the Law of Attraction.

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Joy in the time of madness

*Be The Change

Listen. Your joy matters.

It is a potent force for good in this world.

Yes, even when it feels like it’s all falling apart. Yes, even when the political situation is descending into frightening fascism. Yes, even when there are so many important things to be angry about that sometimes you feel like you can hardly breathe.

Your fury is important; it’s sacred fuel.

But you can only run on it for so long before you burn yourself out. You can’t sustain it for weeks and months without it corroding your soul.

So I’m keeping my rage. But I’m also pouring in other powerful energies– gratitude, determination, perseverance, and most of all, BLISS.

Why bliss?

Because blissful women are fierce.

They laugh at BS instead of crying. They gear up instead of backing down. Their hearts are huge and they can pull others into their fierce kind embrace. And they are UNSTOPPABLE.

We are going to set ourselves up to be fierce advocates for a better world.

Let’s decide right now that we will fuel ourselves to be strong and fierce and joyful and loving, because we are in this for the long haul.

Here’s the thing: you can never feel bad enough to make someone else feel better.

This is a simple truth that took me several decades to learn, and it blew my mind open, like all real spiritual epiphanies do, so I’m going to say it again.

You can never feel bad enough to make someone else feel better.

You can never be poor enough to make someone else richer. You can never be sad enough to make someone else feel happy. We are not actually helpful if we’re drowning in our own empathy.

Your delight is part of your most sacred work as a human.

I know that sounds a little fluffy and metaphysical, but I truly believe that we are here in large measure because our souls [or insert whatever version of the divine you believe in] wanted to smell flowers and taste ripe berries and see stars and hear the moon and love on each other.

I believe in the power of bliss. Of ecstasy. Of joy and revelry and laughter and celebration. I believe that these things make us human, and they also make us kind. Generous. Loving. Open. Awake.

We need a way to be the change we want to see in the world in a sustainable, healthy way so that we don’t burn out and give up too soon.

I’m hearing from so many people that they are overwhelmed, they are exhausted, they are triggered. They wonder if they should just stop reading the news headlines or stay away from social media completely. I’ve seen some posts from people who claim that they’ve hidden all political posts, and now they can return to living life without all that fuss and bother.

But that isn’t true peace, dearheart; it’s just hiding.

My friends, our kids are going to ask us about this time. They’re going to ask us what we did; how we responded; what we were made of when holy shit, it all went crazy. Did we join the Order of The Phoenix? Did we do what we could?

These are the times for courage, not comfort. These are the times for us to keep showing up, and showing up, and showing up. But you can’t do that if you’re empty, drained, just scraping by.

It’s going to take extraordinary strength and grit to keep bringing love when we feel hate. To keep being the light when the darkness grows heavy.

That’s where your bliss and joy (which are just flavors of love, by the way) comes in.

Let’s just say, hypothetically, that perhaps growing up, delight was frowned upon for various cultural or religious or economic reasons.

Then let’s perform a radical act of revolution: this week I want you to revel, celebrate, taste, and delight to a degree that will scandalize any good puritans in your vicinity (or in your own mind).

Think of the last time you snapped at someone you loved. Did it happen as you drifted indoors after a long walk in the park, on your way to a massage? Was it when you were well rested and nibbling on a croissant? Was it when you were doubled over with laughter at something hysterical you’d just read?

I’d bet my favorite strappy sandals that it was when you were tired, rushed, frazzled, and overwhelmed. When you were short on sleep, quiet, water, or downtime.

If you follow my logic here, what this means is that if we are going to be radiant loving benevolent helpful beings in this world, we have to protect our joy with the fierceness of a mother leopard. It’s that precious. You need a refuge inside yourself where you can regenerate your most precious energies. And delight is regenerative magic.

This is not about escaping, checking out, and reveling in our privilege that we CAN.

This is about you, beautiful changemakers, generating good powerful loving BADASS energy in yourself, first.

Because you can’t beam out what you don’t have.

So first, we must conjure it up in ourselves. Joy, delight, comfort, bliss, rest, love, permission, relief– whatever flavor you’re most craving right now, go ahead and give it to yourself. It’ll make you stronger. Kinder. Fiercer. 

Next step: we’re going to spray that beautiful fierce goodness all over the world.

Good plan? Good plan.

much love,


Just 7 minutes, because you're absurdly busy. 7 minutes to clear your mind and refresh your spirit. 7 minutes to thank your fierce tender holy sacred tired body. 7 minutes that'll leave you centered, grounded, & clear-- like the epic fucking badass you are.

a free grounding meditation

take 7 minutes for your heart

& come home to yourself

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I’ve got five kids, I’m a queer feminist, and I just might be the only life coach in the world who doesn’t believe in the Law of Attraction.

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I write things for women with big, gorgeous, COMPLICATED lives. I help women become epic fucking badasses… but I still retain my right to cry at every diaper commercial ever made.

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Sustenance for the journey -- notes from a fellow
traveler to remind you of your own magic.