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Speaking of changing one’s life, I’m in the thick of it, dearhearts!

I’ve been putting together a whole new home here in Portland the last few days, surrounded by bubble wrap and boxes and decisions. Never have I more appreciated the power of elegant, streamlined systems!

But while I’m wiping down shelves and setting out my favorite Anthropologie mugs, it feels like the whole world is falling apart.

In the news, in online comments, in political debates around the world, it seems that chaos and small-mindedness reign. Many times in the last few days I’ve angrily thought to myself, “People are so stupid!”

Except…

people aren’t stupid.

People are just scared.

And the more scared people are, the worse they behave.

There’s fear behind those hateful comments, fear saturating the political posturing, and fear driving the way people are voting. You can feel the urge to huddle up, hunker down, circle the wagons, clutch what’s ours. It’s primal. It’s small. It’s mean.

We’re all a little bit ugly when we’re scared.

At the beginning of this move, I decided that my top priority for the whole transition was to not yell at anyone. (And yep, @epicdanger, I want you to hold me to it.)

I knew that there would be a lot of Anxious Big Feelings in the next few weeks, and I decided that the most useful and helpful thing I could do would be to not let those feelings spray out on the people I love. As you can imagine, I’m taking lots of deep breaths, drinking plenty of bubbly, and venting in safe spaces.

And when I am most ready to break my promise to myself and yell, it’s usually because I’m feeling anxious.

Imagine for a sec that this little microcosm is a pretty accurate reflection of how it works for everyone.

This means, folks, that the most useful thing I can do these days (and we can do for the whole world) is to comfort the scared part of myself. To calm her down and help her feel safe. To say all those tender things we say to our kids when they’re little– you’re ok, sweetheart, I’ve got you, you’re all right.

I think if we all did this, the world would be a safer, more civil, kinder place. I keep wanting all those people “out there” to get their shit together and calm the fuck down and stop making poor fear-based choices. Except, oh wait, it always has to start inside me, first. (I kind of hate that.)

It’s time to grow great wise calm amused heroes inside ourselves. Even if you’re a little bit terrified, just like everyone else.

So when you’re feeling full of anxiety, have some compassion on your sweet self. Take a deep breath. Find the part that’s scared. Ask her if she wants a blankie and a bottle. Notice that as soon as you step into that compassionate role, there’s now a part of you who’s no longer scared. She now looking at the world with calm, kind, loving eyes. See how you just grew a compassionate hero inside yourself? Just like that.

Well done, you.

I’ll see you over in The Queen Sweep on Monday–

much love,

Anna