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I’ve got five kids, I’m a queer feminist, and I just might be the only life coach in the world who doesn’t believe in the Law of Attraction.

Hi, I'm katherine

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Today I want to share with you some deep spiritual lessons I have learned from the pilgrimage we recently took with our children. We drove from Calgary down to Portland, where we are staying for a few weeks (whee!).

Seven people in a minivan for 14 hours is truly a sacred journey, right up there with walking the Camino and visiting Lourdes.

Here are my top ten tips for meeting the sacred divine at every moment.

1. Snacks.

2. Snacks.

3. Snacks. Also extra wipes.

4. Tell them that the minivan screen is broken and therefore there will be no viewing of Dora. No, not Paw Patrol either. Also no Incredibles. Yea, and yet again truly I say unto you, no PJ Masks or Zootopia either. Because Mommy hates joy. Listen to your toddler sigh and say, “It’s broken because Mommy is in the car. She breaks it.” Feel smug that your spiritual wisdom is metaphysically transferring to them and they are understanding the nature of reality at last.

5. Do not, no matter how tempting, allow anyone to sing 100 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall. This is right up there with watching FOX News in terms of its detrimental effect on your intelligence, critical thinking skills, and basic humanity. Don’t even THINK it to yourself. Oops, sorry.

6. Everyone gets their own pillow. And water bottle. And stuffy. No identical stuffies for the love of all that is all holy.

7. Special secret grownup snacks. Under no circumstances should these be showed to the children.

8. Lots and lots of Harry Potter audiobooks. Current research shows that brainwashing our kids with 24-hour drenching of Harry Potter books is basically our best hope for the future. Learn from my mistakes and refrain from helpfully pointing out the humanitarian themes and the warnings about a discriminatory racist authoritarian regime— they already totally get it, Mom.

9. Thank the heavens that you have done a life coach training, a master life coach training, imbibed hundreds of self-help and positive psychology books, and done hundreds of hours of your own deep inner spiritual work with teachers and mentors, because all of that training and rigorous practice has led you to this holy, life-changing moment— the one where the yogurt goes shooting over everything in the car and AND YET– and yet, dear fellow pilgrim. You do NOT scream, you do NOT throw things, you simply hiss through gritted teeth and grab your extra pack of wipes. That $90,000 was totally worth it.

10. Vow never to do it again. (You totally will, because you’re a sucker, but the illusion of a brighter future is helpful in the present moment.) Namaste.

And kiss their sweet cheeks because LORDY your heart bursts with love for them even if you’re also bat-shit crazy by the end!

much love from my crazy family to yours,

Katherine

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July 13, 2018

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I’ve got five kids, I’m a queer feminist, and I just might be the only life coach in the world who doesn’t believe in the Law of Attraction.

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I write things for women with big, gorgeous, COMPLICATED lives. I help women become epic fucking badasses… but I still retain my right to cry at every diaper commercial ever made.

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