Honestly, no one is more surprised than me that I have turned into a rabid Timbers fan.

Especially since my friends are still mocking me for that time last year when I said, “Timbers– is that basketball?  The Blazers are football, right?”

But it turns out that I LOVE going to rowdy soccer games and sitting in the venerable Timbers Army cheering section and chanting some very naughty chants indeed.  At least, I loved it very very much the many many (two) times I’ve done it.

Have you ever noticed that my entertainment is never very highbrow?  The last movie I watched was Don Jon.  I have been to the ballet once in the 2.5 years I’ve lived here, because someone kindly bought me a ticket, and I’ve been to the symphony and the opera….never.  But I’ve done karaoke a thousand times, worn wigs and knee socks, and even been on a brewcycle.  When it comes to TV, I like a lot of airbrushing, country music, impossibly sexy lawyers, and period costumes.

There’s a reason for this.

See, I spend my days having beautiful, deep, profound conversations with some of the smartest women I know.  And on the days when I’m not on the phone with them, I’m writing down things that I hope will entertain, uplift, and be useful to them.  It is delightful work, delicious work– and it requires stretching my intellectual, intuitive, artistic, and empathic muscles on a regular basis.

I spend a lot of time in silence, holding space for others.  They entrust me with some of their thorniest problems and toughest secrets.  I love it so much, not because I’m a masochist but because I get to witness people walk through the fire and come out strong, fierce, and full of grace.  It is deep, sacred, rigorous work.

And after that, dear reader?

I want to watch some terrible, terrible TV.

I used to feel sort of bad about this.  In the grocery line, I am so totally not reading the New Yorker.  Nope, I’m checking out whose baby daddy is pregnant with whose Oscar gown.

Because this creates a really healthy balance for me.

All that deep work requires a counterbalance of frivolity, crassness, and fleshy sensuality.  Without some of the raucous ridiculousness, I would become drained, brittle, and colorless.  Are these huge parts of my life?  Not really.  I spend 92% of my hours in silence or engaged in deep, soulful conversation.  But the joyful celebration, even the crass goofing off, is an important grace note.

I think it’s useful to think about this, because most of us become over-identified with certain aspects of ourselves.  We start to think of ourselves as being The Responsible One, or The Kindly Compassionate Helper, or the One Who Gets Shit Done No Matter What.  Those are wondrous identities, but we will feel more full, grounded, and juicy when we also embrace the parts of us Who Just Want To Lie On The Couch, or The Self Who Reads Fashion Blogs Like An Addict, or The Potty-Mouthed Wise-Ass.

You could think of it as ‘doing shadow work,’ as the self-help folk like to say, or you could just think of it as finding your own sweet spot.  That sweet spot is when you balance who you are most of the time with an exquisite contrast.

 

• If you’re reading legal briefs all day, maybe you need to fingerpaint. 
• If you’re writing advertising jingles, maybe you need to go the opera.  
• If you are with kids all day long, maybe you need to watch some racy French films. 
• If you’re designing gallery spaces all day, maybe you need to ride monster trucks. 
• If you’re with uptight people all day, maybe you need to swear a lot. 
• If you’re a healer, maybe you need to smoke a cigarette.  
• If you’re a poet, maybe you need to watch a Lifetime movie. 

We can’t be goooood all the time.  People who try to pile good deeds upon virtue, hard work upon diligence, health upon moderation– well, those people tend to explode.  Their shadow sides pop out in awkward, unfortunate ways.

That’s how you find yourself screaming at the vice president or folding the Thanksgiving napkins into dirty shapes or spending the insurance money on a red Mustang.  It’s why so many rigid religious communities go up in flames of scandal.  Rather counterproductive, wouldn’t you say?

Even if you don’t explode, because you would never do that , you might start to feel like the flavor has gone out of things.  (That’s so weird… I used to LOVE doing my taxes while I mop floors at the volunteer center…how can I get that spark back?)  Sometimes a little dose of your own opposite is exactly what you need.  Sort of the way a little salt is essential to a good cake, or the way that a prim and proper outfit needs a bit of sly wit.

So let’s get practical.  Think about how you spend your days.  Send up a brief sigh of gratitude that you are not hauling rocks all day long.  Pat yourself on the back for being so awesome at what you do.  And then think about what might be a delicious spike of different.

This weekend, go get yourself a little bit of contrast, a little sprig of spice, a little sprinkling of your flip side.  As it happens, Halloween is the perfect excuse to do this.  But do a dry run this weekend even if it’s just for five minutes.  Consider it part of a balanced diet.  You’ll be delicious.

Much love, and happy autumn–

Katherine

P.S.  Apparently I was briefly on TV the night I was at the soccer game.  I asked my daughter, “What was I doing?  How could you tell it was really me?”  She said, “You had a crazy green scarf on your head, and you were waving your arms around and screaming really loud.”  Sounds about right.  Ahhh, soul vitamins…