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I’ve got five kids, I’m a queer feminist, and I just might be the only life coach in the world who doesn’t believe in the Law of Attraction.

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Greetings from the Oregon coast, where I’m spending the summer.


Here’s what people ask:

Ohhh, do you have a new boyfriend?
No.
So is it your parents’ house? 
No.
Are you housesitting for rich friends?
No.

It’s very simple.  I rented this house for six weeks.  ME.

Four of those weeks, my parents are here too and we’re splitting the rent and doubling the joy.

But I do not have a new rich boyfriend.  Lordy lord and eggs on toast.  

Women, we have got to stop waiting for someone to swoop in and rescue us.

We are grownups.  We are adults.  We are WOMEN, for crying out loud– women who are powerful, bad-ass, creative beings.

We do not need to be rescued.

Question: What would happen if you buckled down and did something brave?  What could you get done if you set a course and walked steadily toward it?

Answer: SO FREAKING MUCH.

I didn’t always believe that.  There was a point in my life when I was so scared, so in debt, and felt so powerless that I truly, sincerely believed that the only thing that could save me would be something huge.  I’d have to win the lottery, inherit a million dollars from an unknown relative, stumble into fifteen minutes of fame, or be ‘discovered’ by Oprah.

What total bullshit. 

I climbed out of that hole on my own all those years ago.  I paid down my debt, twenty dollars at a time.  Instead of trying to be famous, I decided to grow my tribe by connecting with kindred spirits one at a time.  And I started a tiny little savings account for things I wanted that seemed out of reach.

Not being rescued turned out to be an enormous gift, even though at the time I REALLY just wanted to win the damn lottery.  

Because it taught me to trust myself.

I built my bravery muscles by taking tiny, tiny actions one at a time.  

Each action on its own was insignificant.  $50 in a ‘bliss’ fund?  What the hell can you buy with that?  Well, not much the first month.  But the 36th month?  That little pot will send you to the beach.

This is why I froth at the mouth when people talk about ‘manifesting’ or ‘attracting’ what they want.  That kind of language often masks a slightly more subtle version of the rescue fantasy.  Instead of waiting for a knight on a white horse, or a rich partner, or a windfall of cash, they’re waiting for “the universe” to rescue them.

Take back your power, woman of my heart. 

YOU are the force that will bring you what you desire. 

Now, can you ask for help?

Absolutely!!!!  Get help from friends, family, guardian spirits, dreams, a coach, Craig’s List, wherever you get it.

What about joy and bliss and ease?

Those are wonderful!  If that’s getting you want you want, great!  In my experience, when you put in sweat equity AND bring in the energies of bliss and joy and celebration, you’ve got rocket fuel.

But they promised me synchronicities and miracles!

Sometimes, certainly, those will happen.  (There was a cool synchronicity involved in me getting to the beach; more about that next week.)  But sometimes it will feel more like digging a hole to China with your little finger.

That’s okay.

It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, it just means you’re building psychic muscle.  That’s something to be proud of.  And synchronicities tend to happen when you’re in motion, when you’re already moving toward something you want.

So what is it that you yearn for?  Go make that shit happen.  Start with the tiniest, tiniest action you can think of.  Write it down.  Boom.  You’re on your way.

Now, for the record– do I believe in magic and mystery?

Yes.

You know what else I believe in?  YOU.

YOU are your magic.  You are the mystery.  I raise my sunglasses to you in a toast to your majesty. 

August 9, 2013

No, I do not have a rich boyfriend

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