I’ve been a fan of Eve Ensler ever since I went to see The Vagina Monologues in Philadelphia many moons ago.I was awed by the audacity it took to claim Valentine’s Day– a day of hearts and smoochy romantic love– as V-Day, a day of awareness and empowerment for women, especially around issues of violence and sexuality.
You may have heard about something epic that happened on February 14, 2013, V-Day: One Billion Rising. Eve had a vision of one billion people rising up in a global show of hands saying that violence against women and girls is simply not acceptable.
There were be flash mobs, dancing, and music and art. Luminaries around the world lent their support to the movement– even the women of the European Parliament made a video of themselves dancing the ‘Break The Chain’ dance!
I want to be a part of it.
But here’s the thing. I wasn’t at a flash mob on V-Day, I was at a kid’s birthday party. And to be honest, while I love Eve’s purpose, her methods–confronting people with graphic images and stories of horrific violence–are not in alignment for me. I, like most of my clients (and likely you if you’re reading this) am a roaring empath. I don’t need shocking images to jolt me into caring– I already care so much so that those images will shut me down completely.
So I’m going to lend my power and voice to Eve’s larger purpose in my own way. Instead of focusing on the atrocities (and they are legion), I want to tell and hear stories of healing. I believe Eve came into the world with a sacred mission to shed light on some of the horrible things happening to women. And part of my sacred mission is to shed light on how we heal.
So here are some stories from my tribe about what they’ve healed. May they give you a glimpse of what is possible.
“When I was a teenager, I was severely depressed and suicidal. I didn’t see how my life was worth living. Psychotherapy, anti-depressants, and family support/communication pulled me out of the dark self-inflicted imprisonment after several years. But my parents were warned that I would always have those depressive tendencies and may not ever live a ‘really normal life.’ Well, I’m now approaching 50 and am happy to report that through my determination to live happily and in harmony, taking charge of my own life, I haven’t once revisited that black hole of despair. I love myself and my life and try to help others heal their pain. The healing starts with a plea for help. Others can help you even when you don’t see any way out of your pain.”
– Anonymous
“I don’t believe him anymore. His angry, violent, seething words. Now I know his anger was really not meant for me. I don’t accept it. The constant dull ache is fading everyday.”
– Anonymous
“My arms used to ache for a baby to love. And now they are full.”
– Anonymous
“I healed myself by fighting (and I mean fighting) through old belief systems to find self-acceptance. I discovered that I don’t have to believe anything except what resonates with me. By laying down old beliefs that caused suffering in my soul, I found a beautiful, bright, shining spirit ready to soar with purpose and filled with love for literally everything and everyone.”
– Kym Hibbard
“After years of agonizing and indecision, I finally decided to leave my marriage of over 20 years to an alcoholic. At that time each day was just going through the motions, and I was more dead than alive. We have three children who were teens and pre-teens at the time, and it finally occurred to me that what they were learning by me staying to keep the family together was not what I wanted them to see. I wanted them to know that it’s possible to have a life you love and to be happy with your choices. In the years since my divorce, I’ve worked a program of recovery for people affected by someone else’s drinking, developed a real spiritual foundation, and grown and blossomed as a human being, as a woman and as a mother. I love my life today, something that I don’t think would have happened had I not had the experiences I did that led me to the creative path I’m on today. Not only have I experienced healing and love for myself and watched it in my children, but my relationship with my former husband has also been healed so that I no longer harbor resentment or anger, only compassion and friendship.
I blog regularly at www.thedivorcedbreadwinnermom.com, where more of my story can be found, along with information about what’s worked for me along the way.”
– Joy Cipoletti
“I am proud and humbled to say that I am consciously and fiercely ending the cycles of physical and sexual abuse and silence that have so permeated both sides of my family. It brings great healing to my own history and experiences to know that my son has not and will not know these pains.”
– Esther Stiles
“I’m a former engineer who for a long time maintained a positive social front while I was dying inside. I was a typical 50+ hours/week working mom with two little girls in daycare. After experiencing severe post-partum depression, I was still struggling to stay sane while meeting the demands of being a mom, wife, and engineer. I was overcome by negative thinking and cruel self-talk. I endured days on end of high-strung anxiety followed by exhaustion and depression so bad I could barely get out of bed. A recurring tumor required numerous reconstructive facial surgeries and my confidence plummeted. On top of it all, I developed a neurological condition called Essential Tremor that led me to withdraw socially and question my worth as a person. I felt hopeless and at times even suicidal. I made my struggles worse by burying myself in even more responsibility, both at work and in my personal life. Despite owning two homes, my husband and I purchased a dilapidated 1920’s Tudor and started to restore it. I felt overwhelmed, lost, and consumed by my emotional struggles. I was drowning and my parenting really suffered. All of this culminated in a breakdown and a leave of absence from work. Through a series of synchronicities involving the sale of our home, a chance encounter, and a newspaper article, I was introduced to coach training. Coach training made it clear that I had to get my own shit together before I could help anyone else. The more I tried to avoid or fight against my pain the more I struggled. No matter how much I feared it, I had to face my scary emotions. At times I felt like a bug squirming under a microscope and at times it was really painful, but I could feel myself growing and healing. As I healed, so did my parenting and my relationships with my daughters. Through amazing experiences such as therapy, working with horses, and holotropic breath work, I found relief and freedom. I still get sad, angry, fearful, and stressed. I still question my parenting. I live with depression and bi-polar II disorder, and I know I can work with these challenges AND be a fantastic mom. Every day I actively give attention and compassion to my relationships with those I love (including myself) so I can be the best parent I can be. I am a work in progress, and always will be.”
– Jess Ryan: www.jessryan.com
I have been, & will continue to be name called, put down, belittled(You are stupid, You are pathetic, You are nothing but a piece of s**t, You never, You always etc.) in life. I would feel anxious, & unsure of how best to respond. I learned others words are a reflection of them. & not a reflection of the person it is aimed at, but an attempt to project their feelings on to you. That it is my choice to accept the gift of anger, or to decline the gift. Choosing to decline the gift I then choose to respect myself, whilst respecting others. Sometimes (an important word sometimes) I will choose to listen, & hold to my own belief, sometimes I will choose to enquire” What makes you think I am stupid?” eventually this works by making the verbal psychological abuser have to stop feeling, & start thinking. When I feel empowered,wise, aware, prudent, ethical, responsible, civil etc, I feel good about myself, & isn’t that what we all want to feel in order to feel content? Sticks & stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me(water off a ducks back). Instead of feeling anxious, I feel content, reality is only a perception. I choose to focus on what virtues I am bringing to the relationship, & know that I have the choice in what I think, & so feel.”
– Monique in New Zealand
“I was raped by a family member from the time I was 8 to 11. This person died before I remembered what had happened, but I confronted another family member who should have helped and didn’t (I didn’t consciously remember this until I was 38 and divorced). I had always known that something awful happened because I had no memories at all of those years and it’s not like my life was a picnic of loving support except for that. Different times and parenting styles – I am now 50 years old. So, back to my healing. I dove into myself, looking for ways that this had affected my self-esteem, ability to love myself, how I thought of myself as a woman, how I gave away my power. In the process of this exploration, I learned many different healing modalities and came in contact with a wide range of inner guidance. I was somewhat sequestered as I went through this healing because I was a single mom with 3 small kids and didn’t have the time, money or energy to do a lot of extra things so I meditated a lot. At the end of that decade I was receiving guidance to share my story and my path – and when I began to emerge from my shell I realized a couple of things: I had forgiven those involved as I moved through the various healing processes/layers; I had gained significant healing skills that I could use with others; and most importantly, I had stepped into my power in a way that allows me to feel (most days!) that I am embodying the bliss of my Soul. Swimming in such a river of peace and joy – but not in a passive way, it makes me want to help others bloom as well so we are each creating a garden, our own pieces of heaven on earth. So the journey has been a great blessing in many ways.”
– Julie: www.tribeofdreamers.com
“I think I am always achieving greater healing in my beautiful and sometimes complicated relationship with my self. I have a good relationship with my partner, my dog, my friends and so on but in the last 10 years I have really given attention to the healing needed between me myself and I. Afterall, I suspect that my relationship with the outside world can only be as good as what I’ve got going on the inside. I constantly strive for self-love, acceptance while honoring my authentic nature, my truth and expression. As a Martha Beck life coach in training, I hope to help others do the same.
– Sathya Dhara Kovac http://truestorylifecoaching.wordpress.com/
“I’ve healed many things in my life. But the most powerful, and the most recent, was shattering my personal foundation of SHAME. I was born into shame, and it permeated every area of my life. Unconsciously, I thought and felt I was shameful. But as I shined a gentle light into the darkness of my shame, I found that shame was given to me, unearned. My father was very uncomfortable about sexuality (perhaps his own shame), and he never touched me or my sisters. No abuse, but no hugs, no kisses. Just shame. Unspoken messages that said it was shameful to be a girl. This shame created other shame, and it grew to be like a giant bowl of shame around me. High walls that seemed impossible to climb out of. Try to hide something that big! It becomes obvious you’ve got something behind you’re back! And more shame is created.
The freedom I now feel is incredible. I’m stepping into my power. I’m stepping into my greatest personal expression. I’m whole!”
– Helen McConnell: Transformation Coach/EFT Expert: http://PurposeProsperityHappiness.com
“I remember feeling completely abandoned, with no knowledge of what would come next, in the darkest tunnel with no promise of light, and no one to love or guide me. I clung to a memory of Light, and felt at my core that I was good, but was confused about why this sad dark loneliness was happening to me. Youth has no experience to measure dark times, and I needed to know I would survive. I got down on my knees and asked God, Goddess, and the wisdom and power of the Universe for help. I kept my eyes and ears open, kept my senses alert for a sign. I heard someone say, “This too shall pass.” Someone else talked about how the only thing we can count on is the power of love, and that everything changes. Someone said, “There is light at the end of the tunnel.” I had entered the mystery. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, with an open heart and mind, I claimed my path. My search found loving souls I could trust to guide me – I sensed they were Bearers of Light. They simply reflected truth and wisdom back to me, and through their kindness and patience, I discovered my inner guidance and began cultivating my connection to Source.
WHY do these dark times threaten us and make us wonder if we will live, or even want to live? I know now that my dark times have granted me words of meaning when, as I lend an ear to a struggling friend, I can honestly respond with, “I understand.” Instantly, I am on the path next to them, holding Light and a promise of brighter days to come. I survived and now I thrive. I am the warm embrace. I am the resonance of grace. I am the voice of compassion. Today I understand we are starlight, and we are children of the Earth. Love can never be extinguished. Love begins with us. We can choose a new message, new thoughts to think, or no thought at all – we can just be. We can forgive and heal our pasts, and honor ourselves as temples of spirit.
Today I cherish my time alone, and I am filled and surrounded by the love. I am so grateful each morning, greeting another day in this life I am so privileged to cocreate with my family and friends through our divine connection with the loving universe. I stand for embracing wholeness. I encourage myself and others to be grateful for exactly where we are in life right now, even as we envision change. I trust the wisdom of the universe and allow myself to relax and know, “I am enough, I have enough, I am loved.””
– Love & Peace,
Heather
“Grounding exercises…it’s amazing the strength that comes from visualizing. Particularly a tree for me.
I live in Southern California and we were overwhelmed with the Dorner shootings and controversy. In fact, I volunteer for an adaptive ski program and was working at the resort last Thursday when they closed the resort for the manhunt. The short story of this is…I sometimes forget that I am an empath. After days of media coverage (that I avoid) I was still taken over by sadness. I had to realign myself…went to a restorative yoga class and did my best grounding work and finally feel like me again.”
– Paulette C Moore
How Quitting Heals
I moved to Ecuador last January. Before my move, I spent my first two years out of college grossed-out by the monotony and drear of the “real world.” With each passing day, I grew more numb to the prodding of my purpose.
The pain of my dissolving purpose carried with it an urgency so profound, I couldn’t ignore it. I knew I had to leave the “real world” as defined by “real” adults. I saved enough money to pay my next three months’ student loan bills, quit all three of my jobs and headed to Peru. From there, doors began to fly open (I was even offered a remote job that allowed me to continue paying my loans). I returned to the U.S. to pack up my things and make the trip more permanent.
This time, I flew to Ecuador. I was anxious to begin “fulfilling my purpose.” With the freedom of a new landscape, I anticipated feeling elated. But to my horror, I felt scared and confused. My only solace was that the inkiness of my fear contained small, but bright specks of excitement. Even so, after a month in Ecuador, I wondered if I’d made a mistake. Doubts and fears became stalkers. The harder I looked for my purpose, the worse it got. I was truly going through the ring of fire.
The next months were full of suffering. My puppy left her body. I had unexpected bills. I missed my family. Half of my face became paralyzed in a random (and terrifying) bout of Bell’s Palsy.
As I lay in my bed, with a patch over my affected eye (it was the only way to close it), an idea swept over me like a great wave. I’d started my journey to purpose by stripping—quitting things that didn’t serve me. But, as soon as I landed, I began maniacally pursuing “accomplishment” leaving “quitting” and the stigma it carried in the clouds above Iowa.
When I finally found the courage to embrace quitting, and stop forcing “accomplishing” I found that the small lights illuminating my fear began to grow. So, I focused more on quitting self-doubt and judgment. I quit taking my verbal mind so seriously. I quit caring what others thought of me, or my purpose. I quit relentlessly searching for something to fulfill me, and turned my focus inside where I found gratitude for what was already filling space there. Doors once again began to open. A non-profit basically created itself. Volunteers from all over the world visited to support my project. A website I’d wanted to build forever suddenly became a simple endeavor.
I guess when Winston Churchill said, “Never, ever give up,” he was talking about your passion, not about all of the things you have to give up, just so that you can never, ever give up.
“Quitting” has been one of my biggest “accomplishments” and my most effective healer.
– Teela: www.quarterlifecall.com.
