Jealousy.  I bet you’ve felt it.  That twist in the gut, the short breath of panicked longing– they don’t call it the green-eyed monster for nothing.  It can feel like something wicked is trying to claw its way out of your insides.

Thing is, with all apologies to my Sunday School teachers, jealousy isn’t evil.  Neither is coveting or envy.  (Yes, I’m totally going to hell.  See you by the bar.)

These uncomfortable, unenlightened emotions are just information.  They are powerful signals that you want something. 

That.  Is.  All.

Right now, I’m insanely jealous of everyone who is getting a book deal, an agent, or published.  My fantastic colleague Sarah Bamford Seidelman just published Born To FREAK: A Salty Primer for Irrepressible Humans.  And my amazing master coach buddy Jill Farmer just published There’s Not Enough Time…And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves.

(You should go buy copies.  They’re awesome.)

I am so, so, so proud of them!  So happy for them!  Cheering them on!

And, I am totally, totally, totally jealous.  

My jealousy is just one more clear signal from my truest self that I am deeply, deeply longing to write and be published myself.

It’s just good, clean, accurate information.

The problem is what most people do right after they feel jealousy.

It happens so fast that they don’t even notice they’re doing it.

It goes like this:

They spot someone having something they crave, whether that’s a pair of Louboutins, a hot date, a big launch, a shiny Porsche, or a deep sense of contentment.

And before that deep inner pull has even abated, a whole bunch of slimy thoughts rush through their minds.  These thoughts zoom through SO QUICKLY that most people don’t even notice that they’re thinking anything.

The thoughts go like this….

That’ll never happen for you.
Some people are just lucky.
I guess you’re not meant to have that.
You’re so greedy and selfish for wanting that.  Also shallow.
Oops, you’re too late!  That’s taken.  None left.
It’s already been done.
Don’t even bother.

So right on the heels of that wanting comes a big toxic dose of mind sludge.

You can call these thoughts limiting beliefs, low vibrations, mind crack, painful thoughts– the problem is, most people don’t even know that they’re having them.

So they believe them to be The Truth.

And they berate themselves for being jealous and shallow and craven and settle in for a nice tasty buffet of self-loathing and self-punishment.

May I recommend that you try this instead?   

Next time you feel that lurch of jealousy inside of you, don’t judge it.  Don’t try to make it be more enlightened, or generous, or altruistic.  Don’t try to pretend you really want world peace and a yoga lesson if you what you really want is to dance on tables in a designer dress like that crazy celebrity.

Just pay attention to which direction your jealousy is pointing.

Does your jealousy point you toward ocean vacations, pots of homemade soup, or snuggable infants?  Toward sharp tailored suits, First Class seats, or a yacht?  Toward piercings, Tiffany rings, or Tom’s espadrilles?

Your jealousy is just INFORMATION.

Very, very useful information.

Here’s the next step:  notice how the mind sludge can get triggered.  If you consistently feel jealous about the same things or people, it’s likely that you are not letting yourself admit something that you actually do want.  Maybe you think it’s an impossible wish and you’re trying to spare yourself heartbreak.  Maybe you think the thing you want is selfish or greedy or embarrassing.

When those icky thoughts start playing, just gently turn them back with this mantra:

Gee, I’m noticing that I really want that.  

It’ll go like this:

“I can’t believe you want a diamond, you evil selfish African-child-hating privileged wench!”  ~Gee, I’m noticing that I really want a beautiful sparkly thing.  

“Who do you think you are to want to sing??  You’re just embarrassing yourself and every other human on the planet!”  ~Gee, I’m noticing that I really want to let gorgeous sounds come through my throat.  

“How dare you lust after that job title?  You should be grateful to have a job at all!  Don’t go ruining everything!”  ~Gee, I’m noticing that I really want a role that feels meaningful and badass.  

Gee, I’m noticing that I really want that.

It’s ridiculously powerful.

If you stop the self-flagellation, you’ll find that the desire itself– not the getting, just the wanting!– is strangely delicious.  Not comfortable, exactly, but piquant and exciting and spicy.  And if you can let yourself savor that sensation of wanting….

Then before you know it, you’ll find yourself creating what you want with a sense of momentum and purpose and determination that will knock the world’s socks off.

The lurch inside, the longing, is just the little seed.  Water it with your gentle attention, and watch what will bloom.