Last week we were talking about spending, and I decided to go for the $16 Target version instead of the $550 Victoria Beckham ones. You can catch up here, if you want.
I was super excited. Here they are in all their glory!
But then I read a post by a coaching colleague, who happened to be hanging out with some of my friends, and they all went and bought….beautiful designer sunglasses together. Tom Fords, to be exact.
I am so delighted for them! I love delicious purchases!! You should read the piece, it’s great, and I wholeheartedly believe in investing in gorgeous, high-quality things when it’s in integrity with your finances and it feels strengthening and joyful.
But I was also suddenly mortified. Me and my cheapo sunglasses!!! And I’d gone and written about them on the damn internet!!! I got all cringey and less-than. All of a sudden I was in seventh grade again, and my friends had nannies and chauffeurs and I had a sweater I’d bought at a thrift shop.
I called a friend. ”Ohmygod, I’m totally triggered about a pair of sunglasses,” I said.
She started laughing.
And so then I did too.
Just saying the truth out loud took away its charge.
This is always so helpful. I love the AA saying “We are only as sick as our secrets.” When we shine a little light on the embarrassing parts of ourselves, the monsters always turn out to be helpful dragons in disguise.
I’ve been holed up this week, writing hard. I’m working on a memoir, and it’s taken me back to all the most intense, difficult places in my history. Going through the past leaves me raw and open. It’s not a bad place to be; it’s kind of beautiful in its own way.
And my intention is that telling my particular story will help other people who’ve ever felt like things were too hard to go on at some point…because part of my story is about how I came out on the other side happy and whole.
But raw and open and writing also means I get triggered more easily.
And this week I got triggered about sunglasses! Because I am the deepest, most enlightened person in the world.
I’m sure this never happens to you, of course; I’m sure you only get triggered by things like world hunger and global warming.
But me and my tender beauty-loving heart, we got triggered.
And once again I got to tell myself what I tell my clients over and over.
Declare dominion, baby.
Declare dominion over what beautiful looks like to YOU.
Maybe for you this month, that’s investing in something gorgeous and timeless.
Maybe it means honestly facing your credit card debt.
Maybe it’s cleaning out your clutter in The Queen Sweep so you can see what’s there.
Maybe it’s buying yourself an amazing diamond ring.
Maybe it’s a $3 bunch of flowers for your nightstand.
The whole point is, YOU GET TO DECIDE.
And this takes some muscle, to listen in deeply enough to know what is good and right for you, right now, this week, today. No one can do this for you, which is both terrifying and really really good news. It takes its own kind of fierceness.
Around here it’s what we call being an EFBA, which stands for epic fucking badass. Yup.
All those little choices, they matter.
Together, they make up your whole life. So choose fiercely. Choose beauty. And even when you get triggered, you can make something beautiful out of that too! It’s all just raw material.
You get to shape it into any old thing you want.
(Hey Queen Sweepers– notice how I told a hero story here? I could have told a crappy story about how much I suck and how I had to make do with cheap knockoff shades. Haha!! Not only would that have been a steaming pile of nastiness, it wouldn’t even have been true. Remember, the phrases “can’t” and “have to” sap our power. But when we choose and we OWN our choices??? Bam. It’s back and it’s juicy.)
Psst—If you want more beauty in your physical world, your wallet, and your calendar, this is your absolute last chance to join us for The Queen Sweep! It’s free and our first call is MONDAY, so click here to sign up right now.
It’s because I already tried being perfect (at least on the outside) and it was so, so awful. I literally spent decades keeping all my shameful stuff locked up tight and secret. Doing that just made me sick and sad and lonely…which is what I’m writing about in my memoir. What I now know is that when I compare my insides with other people’s outsides, it just makes me feel crazy. So I show you some of my insides here each week because I honestly believe that we’re all so much more alike than we are different.
And I know that telling the truth about my life makes me strong and brave.
So I’ll keep shining a light on my insides because that’s how beauty blooms inside me. And I invite you to do the same. You’ll be amazed at how much beauty you have inside you. I promise. You’re a cathedral.
Happy spring, loves!!!
And have a fabulous weekend!